How to roast beef

¹⁰ For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. ¹¹ For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law.
-James 2:10-11

I like this verse first of all because it's important in ministering to people to convict them of their sin and need for the cross.

Second, it is illustrative of how you are to follow recipes.  Anyone who breaks one part of the recipe is guilty of breaking it all!

The Beef Roasting Recipe Laws
-You shall not buy meat of lower quality than sirloin tip for dry-roasting.  You shall not purchase a chuck roast, a 7 bone roast, or a cross rib and attempt to use "this Korean marinade from my mom" that can make said unpalatable roasts chewable and try to use the rest of the recipe.
-You shall not use any salt other than diamond crystal kosher salt, for diamond crystal kosher salt is consistent and tasty
-You shall not roast the meat at a temperature other than specified
-You shall not cut into the meat until it has rested at least 15 minutes bare minimum
-You shall not roast meat in bricks larger than 6 pounds, ideally 5.  For greater quantities of meat, you shall simply divide the roast into smaller sections, giving each roast at least 2 inches of breathing space in the oven, and using multiple ovens should this not be possible.
-You shall not roast without a digital instant read thermometer
-You shall not ask me how long to roast X piece of meat at Y temperature if its Z pounds

Now, here is the recipe for a 5 pound roast, which ought to feed 8-12 ish people.  My favorite meat to roast (not that I can eat it...) is sirloin, since it has a good balance of flavor and tenderness for the price.  If you are filthy rich, this technique works for a prime rib roast.

At least 30 minutes ahead of time, but ideally 24 hours ahead of time, salt the meat generously with kosher salt.  It should be something like 5 grams per pound a.k.a a teaspoon of DCK salt.  Using a lot of salt way before does two things- evenly distributing seasoning, and decreasing cook time from increased thermal conductivity of the meat.  You can leave the meat out at room temperature- this will decrease cooking time dramatically.

Preheat oven to 275F.  This will ensure a very, very uniform color in the meat.

Blow-torch the meat.  You don't need it to get brown, you just need it to start rendering out some of its own fat.  Alternatively, you can sear in a pan with 50% butter and oil, but I don't like doing that because it's messy.  I don't mess with high heat oven searing- too unpredictable.

Stick the sucker in the oven.  At around the 1.5 hour mark, start checking the temperature using a digital instant read thermometer.  Try to aim for the center and find the coldest spot.  Be warned- once the roast gets to the 100 degree mark it finishes pretty fast (i.e. internal temperature does not go up linearly with time).

When the instant read says 120 for bleu/rare, 128 for medium rare (recommended), or 135 for medium done, take the meat out and loosely cover with a bit of foil.  OR, if you're feeling extra special, lather buerre monte all over the meat.

Once the meat has rested, ideally for around 30 minutes, slice against the grain and serve however you like.  Note: if your slicer takes more than one forward and back stroke to cut the meat, your slicer needs sharpening.

Olive oil mashed potatoes

Use unflavored boxed potato flakes such as Idaho spuds.  They don't taste like potatoes, they taste like nothing- this is why they are the perfect vehicle for eating absurd amounts of good quality olive oil.

~14oz box of potato flakes
1x bottle good olive oil (I use Berkeley Bowl extra virgin organic)
2 tablespoons diamond crystal kosher salt
OPTIONAL: 2 tablespoons toasted oregano

Boil about half gallon of water.  Mix 4 cups water with the salt and add to the entire package of potato flakes.  Mix it together- it should make a kind of crumbly paste.  Mix in about 2 cups of olive oil or until the potatoes taste as much like olive oil as you feel comfortable (I will sometimes put in 90% of a bottle).  If it still looks lumpy, add more boiling water a little at a time until the consistency is satisfactory- probably about an additional 2 cups depending on how much olive oil you did or did not use.  Adjust seasoning with more salt.

If using the oregano, toast it in a dry skillet and add immediately to the potatoes.  I usually only do this if I am short on olive oil and need more flavor (i.e. it's too expensive to buy as much olive oil as I want)

Put an oven rack at the top and preheat the broiler.
Line a halfsheet pan with aluminum foil.  Spread the mashed potato mixture into the pan.  Use a fork to create troughs and valleys to expose more surface area (this is so it develops a crispier texture).  Drizzle the whole thing with more olive oil.  Broil until the whole thing is golden brown at the peaks.  You may have to adjust your oven rack height or broiler temperature if the peaks burn before the rest of the potatoes get golden.  If broiling doesn't seem to be working for you, you can put in a 500F oven until it looks delicious (dark brown peaks, golden brown surface, sizzling and delicious looking).  To serve, sprinkle finely minced Italian parsley over the thing and drizzle with yet more olive oil.

Another name for this dish could be "stupid big pile of olive oil."  Yes, it's not that cheap.